Ralph Lauren

Have to give props to the man who dresses white dudes I love.

Jason Segel

 

OMG! I loved him in Freaks & Geeks! He’s 6’4″ and a big monster.  Rumor for a minute was that the chick from F&G’s dumped him because he gained too much weight (which can be seen by his man boobs in I Love You, Man) but WHO CARES, he is HOT.   Can you imagine being big-spooned by him? Glorious.

Marc Jacobs

Do  I love the old Marc or do I love the new- strict-diet-regiment Marc more?  Who knows, and who cares.  I don’t even care that he has a  Spongebob tattoo, and I HATE Spongebob.  He makes women look and feel great, and men look better, without even being there himself.  He dates dudes my age, is a complete mess and I’m completely fine with that.  Do I care that he got a nose job? No. Do I care that he dressed up like cameltoe for Halloween a few years back? No. Do I care that he loves and raves about Myspace? NO. Marc could commit awful and vile crimes and I would still retreat to my closet and be happy and content.  A man who satisfies even when he’s not present? Perfect.

Robert Pattinson

Look, I thought Twilight the movie was pure garbage.  The only thing I could tolerate was Robert Patterson.  I hated the part where he jumped around with that loser girl on his back like a goddamn monkey, and I ESPECIALLY hated him when he had glittery skin.  Fictional Men like Edward Cullen is the reason why women are crazy, dillusional, and crazy.  The entire movie had TWO good scenes: 1. When RP rolls up to high school (yah right) wearing Wayfarers 2. That semi-sensual/awkward moment where he kisses the loser girl.  Look, I don’t care or what to be part of the Robert Patterson phenomenon, I just think hes hot.  He’s so hot, even if he can’t act and comes off like an asshole. Did I also mention I hate his big fluffy hair? I really do.  I like his uneven whack job wayyy more. OH! and one more thing: I always think his last name is Patterson, might as well be.

Aaron Paul

Saw him in The Last House On The Left.  Wish he would sneak into my house and punch me in the face.

Kevin Federline

Before you all start hatin’ let me tell you that I stand strong in my opinion that K-Fed, is in fact, a white dude I love.  He is the epitome of a white dude.  I love him, minus the whole children/jobless factor.  Whoever wants to tell me that POPOZAO wasn’t a club banger, is a liar and should stop living in denial of a fact.  He can dance, too.  Not to mention he models and acts (You Got SERVED) too!  I really wanted to complain about how he was involved with the WWE and how that probably (does) make him a loser, but I won’t because it might tarnish the really nice and cute things I have said about my man, K-FED.

Dustin Lance Black

He is gay, so none of us women have a chance in hell with him.  However, I wouldn’t mind watching him and his sig other, you know?   What a babe.  And he is a talented screen-writer too (If you are out of the loop and don’t know anything he just won the Academy Award for screenwriting Milk).  Anyone who would cast Sean Penn & James Franco to be lovers is A+ in my book.  What a gorgeous face structure, too. He is so cute. Cute as a button.  He also wrote 9 episodes of Big Love, and I love that show!!!

John Mayer

I always had a crush on him secretly back in the day.  He looked like he owned a pickup truck and wore clothes from K-Mart.  NOW, I am openly in love with him.  When John decided to get his entire arm tattooed, he decided that it was time for me to be completely and 100% okay with being in love with him.  Fun Fact: he is a sneakerhead.  He ALSO collects timepieces, and seriously,I  have always wanted to date a dude into watches.  Is it so hard?  How does Jennifer Aniston do it?  Brad Pitt first and now John Mayer.  She better get smart and get knocked up.  I feel like he secretly hates her, don’t you?  Since he’s from Connecticut I have a whole fantasy of him wearing yacht gear on our yacht, and him singing to me “You’re body is a wonderland.”  Man, that song was so fucking awful.  Who cares though, he’s delicious.

Justin Timberlake

He was ALWAYS my favorite member of *NSYNC. I loved him from  the beginning, where he would wear those  baby-blue ADIDAS sweatsuits and cornrows, and I love him now, more than ever.   He was recently named GQ’s Most Stylish Man, and I couldn’t agree more. I can’t believe he is dating that horseface Jessica Biel (she looked like SHIT at the Academy Awards, BTW).  That 7th Heaven slut had nothing on my girl Cameron Diaz.  What is he thinking?  Who knows.  What I do know is that they always say that the way a man dances and moves is the way he is in bed.  I can only assume that Justin Timberlake is the best (mindblowing) lay…of all time.  Life isn’t fair.

James Franco

There are two things that I love in life: Gucci & men.  Place both in one category, and you have James Franco.  What about weed & men? James Franco.  Perfect facial structures & men? James Franco.  One of my favorite dead white dudes is James Dean, and Franco was the one to play that role, perfectly; he is perfect. PERFECT.  I remember renting Annapolis just to see him on all fours doing pushups, to see him in that Marine outfit was but a mere fufillment of a dream come true, kinda.  Does anyone remember Whatever It Takes? Do you remember that scene when he pretends to tell Marla Sokoloff’s character that Nine Stories was his favorite book just to hook-up with her? Then she responds with “Which one of your favorite stories is your favorite?”  WELL, that book IS my favorite, and I wouldn’t have wasted a second asking him what his fucking favorite story is, if you catch my drift. 

Why do I watch Spiderman movies? Is it because I like Tobey McGuire(ew)?  Fuck no. Is it because I like that train-wreck Kristen Dunst? NO.   Is it because I want to see James Franco? DUH.  Not to menion, he has a degree in English from UCLA,  and is currently in graduate school at Columbia University, could that be a bigger turn-on?  I have often found myself texting my friends about how much I like him.  He can be the shittiest dude, throwing babies off cliffs and I would somehow justify it.  James baby, you can’t do any wrong. 

P.S. I had a really difficult time picking a picture. I wanted to make this entire website about him after viewing about 90 pages of his Google results.